Trojan Horse #10 - 11 "To the Edge of Sanity"


<USS Pegasus, Sickbay>

Ryylar lay there unconscious. Doctor Floyd had managed to stabilize the large Caitian, and his wound was injected and covered in coagulants to stop the outpouring of blood. His nose was hooked up to a gastric tube and he breathed slowly and almost unnoticeably. The only sound aside from the monitors beeping with his faint life signs was the soft almost inaudible trickle of the blood plasma being pumped into his veins to help keep him alive from the massive blood loss he suffered.

Kristiana walked in. Or rather, dragged herself to Ryylar's biobed. She looked beyond exhausted, and on the verge of tears. Carrying a PADD in one hand, as she dragged her exhausted form over to his biobed and sat down on the edge of it, slumping a bit. "Oh Ryylar .." she whispered, sniffling. Her heart would break at seeing him like that, if there was anything left of it that wasn't shattered, already.

Ryylar lay there non-responsive, the only thing that told her he was alive was the slow shallow rise and fall of his chest through the ragged remains of his Starfleet uniform. The red was deeper than her own uniform, stained in rich Caitian blood as it was. His face seemed peaceful and his whiskers were slightly limp.

"Ryylar .. Why won't you respond ?" Kristiana whimpered quietly, looking at him, pleadingly. A gentle and tender hand moving to caress his cheek, brushing a strang of hair out from his face, as she sniffled again. ".. I sent you out there .. And .. You said your goodbyes. Did you know this was coming ? Did you feel it ? That's why I don't want to say 'I love you' when you go out there, hon .. Because it sounds like saying goodbye."

The russian woman fussed a little over Ryylar's face and hair, making sure he looked handsome enough, leaning down to place a soft kiss on his forehead, and not bothering to sit up again, half snuggling with him, as much as she could while being careful with all the medical hoses and tubes sticking into the feline.

"We're back home again, hon .." She murmured quietly, nuzzling his cheek a bit. "Back in our own universe. I'm the one that made the call. I just .. abandoned them, hon." As a lone tear started rolling down her cheek. "Right in the middle of their final do-or-die battle to re-take Earth, the fight that would determine their very survival .. And I abandoned them. After all they've done for us .."

"I wish, I pray and wish to God on my bare knees, that I could find a way to make up for it. That I could get my hands on a fleet of Sovvy's and march Right back there and wipe their dominion out of existance, so that maybe they might forgive me .."

"To forgive me .." She repeated quietly, as the tears started cascading down her cheeks, freely. "Remember what I told you about my Mother ? How she'd died, and I couldn't be at her funeral and my Father never forgave me ?"

".. My father's dead, Ryylar. And I missed his funeral, because we were in that other dimension. He .. He shot himself in the head, with a hunting rifle. And I .. I missed his funeral, I couldn't go ! He'd never forgive me, he'd hate me for that - I'll never forgive myself - Oh Ryylar, I .. I Hate myself now. And now you .. You're here, and fighting for your life, and I .. I can't even .. Oh I'm so sorry, Ryylar, I'm so .. " her voice trailed off as she started crying, deeply, her entire body shaking, trembling with the eruption of emotion.

Ryylar slowly but determinedly opened his eyes and with his uninjured left hand reached up to rest it on Kristiana's back. He opened his mouth to speak but with his parched throat he could only barely choke out his words.

"Smile... though your heart is breaking... smile... even though... it's aching... when there are clouds... in the sky... you'll... get by..." He croaked, singing out desperately as he tried to comfort the woman that was his rock. The woman who now needed a rock of her own to hold and provide her shelter. His one good arm squeezed her weakly, but for Ryylar it was with all his strength and he offered a silent prayed in his head to whomever might be listening for the strength to hold this woman, this magnificent woman that he loved so dearly and give her comfort she so richly deserved.

"Shh, don't speak, hon, please, you need your strength !" Kristiana fussed over Ryylar, through her sobbing, reaching up to wipe her tears away, halfheartedly, she blinked as a few tears fell down from her face onto Ryylar's, and she just broke, again. Half curling up into a ball on the edge of Ryylar's bio-bed, almost falling off, probably causing a bit of discomfort for the feline, as she just held on to his one good arm for dear life, crying.

He grunted a bit and squeezed her painfully. He held her close and tried to shift her so she could lay more comfortably for both of them. His arm wrapped around her and and smiled through half closed eyes.

"Krrrrrissss... no tearrrrrsssss." He said quietly.

She heard him, she heard the words of comfort and love, and she heard the grunt, and she realised how she was hurting him by being there. She cringed and slipped off the biobed, standing a bit uncertainly at his side, still holding his hand. "Y-you .. need your rest. I should go .. I should .. just go .." she sobbed as she let his hand slip out of hers and she turned around.

In a surge of strength that was certainly born not of adrenaline or of musculature or energy, but from his heart, he snatched her hand before she could walk out of distance.

"Stay... please?" Ryylar asked, a small tear forming in his eye. The fact that he would be alone wasn't what bothered him. He had been alone almost all his life after his exile from Cait. He had filled the emptiness by a hundred different women all across the galaxy. Being alone didn't upset him. Being unable to dry the tears of the one woman he had found, the woman he loved and wanted beside him for always, that was what strained his heart.

She paused when he grabbed her hand, and hesitated a moment, squeezing his hand slightly as she glanced at him over her shoulder. ".. You need your rest." She whispered weakly. "And I'm going to give it to you. Get well soon. I'll be alright .." Squeezing his hand again, then pulling free and starting towards the door, trying to hold back her tears, as she whispered "But not for very long .."

Ryylar watched her leave and vowed... even if he were to die then and there... he would comfort her even if he had to do it from beyond the grave. She meant too much to him. He loved her too much to let her be in this much pain. He closed his eyes in the darkness of the sickbay, the only light coming from the office where Doctor Floyd worked diligently. Ryylar in that dark calm noiseless section of sickbay, fell into an uneasy sleep.


Warrant Officer Ryylar Chief Morale Officer Acting Security Officer Aching Jem'Hadar Target USS Pegasus "MeeeeOWWWWW!"


Lt Cmdr Kristiana Petrova Shattered Wreck